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She's not in shock, not really. At least, Carla Jean doesn't think that's the case, no matter how normal she knows it's supposed to be after a situation like this. Shooting and killing a man doesn't come without its consequences, after all, even when it's entirely necessary, even when there's a bizarre sort of satisfaction in it. Still, she thinks she can deal with seeing Chigurh's lifeless body when she closes her eyes and knowing that she's the one responsible for that, and with the accompanying mess of emotions (she'd thought it would feel better than this). It's the whole sequence of events that has her thrown for a loop. There might be something strangely appropriate about showing up in an entirely different place after having killed Chigurh, just as she showed up somewhere new after he'd killed her, but it's a hell of a lot to process at once. Months of worrying she might be losing her mind have finally come to an end, a sensation that would be enough to leave her stunned in its own right. Being in a place that's totally unfamiliar on top of that just makes it all the more difficult.

The same could have been said of the island, of course, but that wasn't like this. Even if its small community was still dissimilar to the Texas towns where she spent her whole life, it was quiet in a way she was accustomed to, at least most of the time. A city like this is foreign territory, nothing like she's ever seen in person before and a hell of a lot more daunting than she'd care to admit. At least she isn't on her own here, though. Having been found by Kate was more relieving than she'd care to admit, and hearing from her that there are others who remember being on the island was, too. It doesn't make trying to find her footing here any less strange, though.

She'll have to, at some point, go out and get clothes, groceries, all the other essentials like that; she'll have to find herself a job, too, though having some money in the meantime is reassuring. For now, though, she has more immediate concerns. Finding a corner store to duck into for a pack of cigarettes isn't too difficult, at least, even if the price is boggling enough that she nearly reconsiders. A lot's changed from 1980 to now, it seems, in ways that are a lot clearer here than they were on the island. She gives in, though, already taking one out of the pack to light on her way out the door, thinking as she does about how much Llewelyn would hate it. He never was a fan of the habit; she never cared, and she especially doesn't now.

Rather than going to the apartment that she knows is supposed to be waiting for her, she instead heads back out to the beach after. It's a far cry from the one she just lived near, but she thinks she likes that a little better. If nothing else, she thinks the air might help her clear her head, anyway. Instead of the quiet she'd been expecting, though, she finds a familiar face when she gets out there, and thinks that might just be better. "Hey, Harley."
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Usually, it doesn't really mean anything, not seeing someone for several days, even here. Common as disappearances are (at least, as she's been told), more common is just carrying about one's life, and that doesn't always include time for just hanging out. Carla Jean wouldn't call herself especially busy, having only a couple of mornings cooking breakfast to worry about, but even so, there's hardly anyone she sees on a daily basis. She makes a point of seeing how people are doing, but not all the time. There's no sense in hovering, even if she's on edge more often than not these days, convinced every motion she catches out of the corners of her eyes, every rustle in the jungle and shadow behind her is Chigurh. Sometimes she could swear she even hears his voice, though he's never there when she turns around. Just because she might be losing her mind doesn't mean she needs to keep tabs on the people she knows every second of every day. They all have lives here, and she doesn't intend to let this get to her that badly. She'll keep going like normal.

That is, maybe, why she's more inclined to notice it when someone's absent longer than usual. Harley is easily her closest friend here, and though a few days isn't long enough for her to worry, it is enough to be conspicuous, enough to make her wonder if something's happened. Around here, just about anything is possible. She thinks, first, about just stopping by; on a whim, she heads to the kitchen to put together something to eat first, just in case. She spends a lot of time close to the Compound and the Winchester, and while it's possible she's just missed him, it doesn't seem too unlikely that he hasn't been here, either.

With everything boxed up in borrowed Tupperware containers, she walks to his hut, knocking on the door when she reaches it. "Harley, you in?" she calls. "It's Carla Jean."
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[Continued from here.]

Carla Jean falters only for a moment, swallowing hard as she glances down the road. When she's working blind, without the first idea of where it is she's supposed to be going, one direction seems as good as any other, but they might as well start off with a plan, do something a little more than wandering aimlessly, or at least not waste time being too indecisive about it. It's enough that he's offered to go with her at all without her keeping him out here longer than is necessary; she'd tell him that he doesn't have to go with her at all, except she thinks it might be better this way. They'll see each other through it. That way, they won't be on their own.

"This way, I think," she says with more certainty than she feels, gesturing in a direction she hasn't gone yet with her free hand, the one not at Harley's side. "And thanks. For... offerin' to go with me, and all."

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Carla Jean Moss

January 2025

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